a heavy heart...

doctor's offices are all alike...a long rectangle with loud paper...and the waiting, and waiting.
you think once your name is called your on your way...but no...you wait in here, this small, cold room with one chair and that loud paper on the rectangle. this all seems trivial in hindsight but these memories I have, every moment I remember in these rooms...these rooms i have grown to dislike sooo much...always the deliverer of news i don't want to hear...moments i don't want to know...
these rooms, if they could speak, would share the joyous news of an expectant mom and the test results that shows remission in an otherwise healthy person...the positive is easily shared and rejoiced in...but these rooms, if they could speak, would also share sorrows, sobs, and confusion. i imagine the walls groan with news waiting to be released...or forgotten...

sometimes I am heavy with sorrow and wish to release news with groans and loud sobs of confusion...and then He comes near, I feel Him near and He whispers come... come to me... and so I've been hiding...hiding in Him. not sure what to say or not say, share or not, but at least I'm in Him.